I don't consider myself an "abuser" at all. I hate that term that people like to use to describe what goes on in some relationships. How can my girlfriend get away with so much stuff, but because I'm bigger than she is, all the blame gets placed on me? Yes, I admit what I did to her was wrong, but what about the fact that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction? Do you think it's true that I was sitting at home enjoying a nice meal, and reading the newspaper and then ALL OF A SUDDEN I hopped out of my chair and slapped my girl silly? Come on, now!!! There's more to that and YOU know it. Don't act like you think I'm insensitive because I am very sensitive, and that's why I hit her. She hurt my feelings. What? Girls are the only ones with feelings? This thing is so frustrating, man, because I feel like no one cares about my side.
Do you even want to HEAR my side, or are you part of a feminist group that automatically male bash? Well, sorry to label you, but I guess I'm a little defensive because I feel that is what others have done to me--label me without knowing my side. I am NOT an abuser. I am a man that abused his girlfriend...and later my wife. Vivian is the only girl I ever have hit, though, and I love her. You want to talk about emotional abuse? Well, I feel that she has been emotionally abusing me for a long time. You want to hear my story?
Let me start with part one: Like I said...I love her. In fact, I always will. She does and says things to me on purpose that she knows will hurt me. Like that time when we were on our way to Henry's house and she started trying to get all pretty. And like the time she was holding Gancy's hand outside the Detroit Urban League like I'm stupid. I guess ya'll wanted me to jump out my car and beat him up instead of her. But, why was she allowing him to hold her hand? Gancy didn't make a contract with me--he owes me nothing. He ain't my woman--Vivian is my woman so I don't need to deal with him. Besides--all I did was smack her. It's not like I punched her in the mouth over that. Everybody be having all these ways they would handle a problem, but you truly don't know until you are in the situation.
That's why they have what's called crimes of passion. Of course, I never found my wife in bed with another man, but just the thought that she would not love me the way I love her is enough to drive me crazy. And I ain't no punk that's afraid to fight a man and yet will hit a woman. See, me and Vivian are close...I ain't close to nobody like that where I would care enough about them to hit her. Yeah. I hit her because I do care. I care how she feels about me, I care how she loves me, I care about everything she does, everything she says...and I'm emotional enough to strike her sometimes. If I didn't care, I would just see the problems and walk away...problems that SHE causes every now and again. I'll write more if I feel this is a safe environment and that you are not here to judge me.
It's not like I'm a bad person or something. My dad would never want me to hit Vivian or any other girl. He loves Vivian! He's happy that she agreed to marry her, and he knows that I love her. I talked to my pops a little about what's going on, and he told me I had to find some other way to make her obedient. That's on account of Vivian is a little rebellious, and I know ya'll religious and high and mighty folk know that the bible says that wives ought to obey their husbands, right? Or do I need to find that verse and show you since I'm telling you that Vivian does NOT obey me properly.
I'm pleading with you not to be of the mind set that sweet, precious Vivian can do no wrong. The way some of ya'll talk about domestic violence is like the girls can do no wrong--us males just had better be smart enough not to knock her teeth out when all that yikkity yack comes flying out of her mouth. Of course I need to control my temper. All I'm saying is that she has not been blameless through and through. E-mail the administration and let them know...if you want to hear my part two. But if you can't stomach me, then let me know that, too. |
