If you are concerned that you may be in an abusive relationship, score your relationship using "The Early Signs of Abuse" instrument. One hundred women who were physically battered submitted what they considered early signs that they in fact ignored. I used the data to compose the early signs test.

"The Early Signs of Abuse"

The code for the "early signs" are as follows: 5 = almost always;   4=frequently;   3=occasionally; 1=maybe once to never.   Place his score in the corresponding space besides the characteristic. At the end, add up your score. CAUTION: Be careful with your scoring, as you may feel that some of these characteristics are endearing, and you like it when he does these things. Even so, these can be early signs of abuse, so be honest in your scoring.

_____Control (He likes to control what what think/where we go/my relationship with others, etc.)
_____He always want to be "put first" (He feels insulted if he perceives that you do/say or feel more for someone else)
_____Isolation (He finds reasons why you shouldn't communicate with friends/family)
_____Heavy drinking
_____Self-righteousness/arrogance (He's the "MAN")
_____Jealousy
_____Listens in on your conversations without your knowledge
_____Questions you about a phone call you received where he couldn't hear both parties
_____Follows you or appears in places he knows you will be, except you didn't know he'd be coming.
_____Calls you while you are at work just to check up on you
_____Comes to your job for personal reasons
_____Makes friends with people at your job with those whom you aren't necessarily close
_____Whenever you argue, he calls your friends or relatives and tells them how you messed up
_____People who know him describe him as extremely charasmatic and gentle--yet you have seen him explosive and unreasonable
_____After he hits you, he apologizes and seems remorseful about it, but contends that it was YOUR behavior which he says CAUSED his actions
_____Possessiveness
_____Selfishness
_____Calling numerous times of the day (with "concerned" excuses, but really to check up on your wherabouts and activities)
_____Calling others names behind their back, such as the people who love you or those people who found your favor.
_____He demands all of your time
_____He says that you're fortunate he paid attention to you because other men would have surely passed you by.
_____Prescription drug use
_____Rudeness to your friends
_____Never allowing you to make your own plans
_____Need to "change" certain qualities you have
_____Never allows you to move things in the house or make any changes
_____Answers or talk for you whenever someone was talking to me or asking me a question.
_____Judgemental
_____Instead of asking how your day was, he asks you exactly what you did during the day and then you feel the need to defend yourself for your actions.
_____Cursing or putting down what you do
_____He tells you that you are worthless, you aren't worth it, or other demeaning words.
_____Caller ID's throughout the house
_____He fell for you unusually hard and fast
_____Manipulation

Do you abuse?  Do you use emotional abuse in a sick way to control your spouse or to feed  your own sadistic tendencies?  Take the mini-test below and find out! And you will receive your confidential results back by e-mail.  After taking this mini-test, you may request to have a more extensive test.  And when you send your results by e-mail, you won't get spammed.  We do not use e-mail addresses for marketing purposes.

When I am with my mate, I really don't like to talk about stuff that is negative, and oftentimes, my mate likes to stir up mess with negative talk
_____ Almost always true
______ Sometimes
______ Rarely to never
If my mate would listen to me instead of arguing so much, we would get along better
_____ Almost always true
______ Sometimes
______ Rarely to never
I am a quiet person, and my after work and/or weekend activities typically do not include my mate.
_____ Almost always true
______ Sometimes
______ Rarely to never
I don't have a clue as to what my mate considers a good time.
_____ Almost always true
______ Sometimes
______ Rarely to never
I watch over 3 hours of television per night
_____ Almost always true
______ Sometimes
______ Rarely to never If my mate and I should have a bad argument, I have been known to administer the "silent treatment" for more than an hour.
_____ Almost always true
______ Sometimes
______ Rarely to never
Please give yourself five (5) points for each "Almost always true" answer; three (3) points for each "Sometimes" answer, and one (1) point for each "Rarely to never" answer.
Record your answers here:
_____   Almost always true
______ Sometimes
______ Rarely to never

You may send your scores to the counselor if you want them interpreted. Thank you and be blessed!

By Dedra Muhammad. Copyright 2005